Gary Barlow 'angry' about daughter's death but keeps her memory alive in beautiful way
Gary Barlow 'angry' about daughter's death but keeps her memory alive in beautiful way
Gary Barlow has opened up about the death of his daughter and said he's been 'angry for a long time' about it.
The Take That singer, 53, got admirably candid in a recent chat in which he talked openly about his struggle with bulimia and the loss of his child just days before he performed at the closing ceremony of the London Olympics.
Gary and his wife Dawn Andrews – who he talked about with adoration in the recent interview – married in 2000 and welcomed their son Daniel that year, Emily two years later, and Daisy in 2009. Their fourth child Poppy was delivered stillborn in August 2012.
At the time a statement from the star's agent said: 'Dawn and I are devastated to announce that we've lost our baby. Poppy Barlow was delivered stillborn on August 4 in London.
'Our focus now is giving her a beautiful funeral and loving our three children with all our hearts. We'd ask at this painful time that our privacy be respected.'
Now, Gary has reflected on their family's loss as he told The Imperfects podcast: 'I've been angry for a long time about that, I haven't really found peace with it yet.'
The Shine hitmaker admitted he doesn't usually talk about this loss, as he's not 'found peace' with it yet. He also doesn't tend to work through problems by chatting about them, but by putting them into his music.
'I've got lots of music that keeps her alive on a nightly basis,' he said. 'When I see audiences singing along, that's the life for me.
'That's what she brought and its here in front of me and it happens a few times a week on stage, and that's how I keep her close to me.'
Dawn is 'much stronger' than Gary, he confessed, before explaining about how, while this kind of event tends to tear marriages apart, it actually brought them closer together. His older two children still talk about Poppy.
'There was definitely a point when I wondered if we'd ever be back to where we were but I think we got there,' he said.
Elsewhere, Gary was full of love for his wife of 24 years, who he dubbed his 'saviour'.
'My happiest memory is the day we met,' he said. They met when Gary was working at a small independent record label, and he was making a video. She was a dancer.
They crossed paths a few more times over the years at a Royal performance for Princess Margaret and at the Brit Awards, but they got together while she was a backing dancer on Take That's Nobody Else tour in 1998.
Gary also opened up about his eating disorder, which began when he tried to launch his solo career.
'I did a solo thing like Robbie did, his went gangbusters and mine sold like four copies. The first month of 1999 I didn't have a record deal. And I was like I'm 25, where do I go from here,' he said. Gary turned to food to make him feel better, and put on lots of weight over a year.
'The great thing was though I remember thinking I was really smart because nobody recognised me anymore. So I put a bit more on. I was slowly killing the popstar. It was wonderful, I could walk anywhere,' he said.
But in reality, there was 'so much sadness there,' he admitted. He began making himself sick and continued on this trajectory for years.
'I'd enjoy going out for Chinese, and literally within 20 minutes I'd eaten so much I couldn't feel anything anymore. But I would think it's great because when I get back I can get rid of it all,' he said.
No one, not even his wife, knew what he was doing for years.
'Every week I would think, Monday is the day. It's going to stop,' he remembered. But it was a Wednesday when Gary stopped. He found an old pair of trainers in his drawer which reminded him of the past, and 'happier days'.
He put them on, went for a run and never made himself sick again.
'Something switched. I didn't run far. I couldn't. I felt great when I got back. I felt happy. I hadn't been happy for years,' Gary said.
While Dawn was 'bringing up the kids' Gary was trying to be the 'strong one'. He would chirpily say he was 'off to the studio' but once there would have nothing to do.
'That darkness that shadow on anything, crossed kids birthdays, my birthdays, Christmasses. It was such a strange time,' he said.
While he is happier now and still running, Gary still struggles with his weight.
'I'm aware of it still. Every mouthful of food it stays with you,' he said.
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